Steady My Heart

As I reflect on the last week of Christ's life, I am reminded to think about how I react when things don't go my way. How do I respond? Do I give up in dissapointment or despair? How would I have reacted if I were in the Disciples shoes? Would I have continued to believe that Jesus was the Savior? The Messiah? The One who had promised to bring change for His followers? It sure didn't seem like He was conquering through His suffering, beating and gruesome death? Would I have discounted every miracle I'd seen or would it have made me more determined to serve Him? I hope that I would have been committed to give my life for His cause despite the events leading up to His death. When life happens and circumstances seem to be hopeless, as I've experienced so many times, I'm reminded that God never has forsaken me and He promises that He never will. I cling tighter to His side during the times of pain and dissapointment. It's almost as if I'm more distant when things are going good or smoothly. I honestly cherish the moments in my life that I am desperate for Him. My most precious days are the ones that I am completely basking in His arms for HOPE and STRENGTH. The Word says He is close to the brokenhearted and I know this to be true. I've fallen in love with Him more through trials and suffering.Those are the sweetest memories and most cherished moments as I look back. The journey of my relationship with God has been so worth anything I've had to go through because He has grown my character and allowed my heart to be more compassionate. I desire a heart like His. He has brought that into reality. I see His children at times through His eyes and my heart breaks. I desire to bring HOPE to all who are hurting. Until we walk through struggles, we can't know His strength. His strength is perfect when mine is gone. He carries us through despite our desires to fall in to the pit of despair. Spending some time with the Lord this morning He spoke through my devotional to remind me that I'm still in training. He is molding me continually in His likeness. This requires my trust in Him no matter what is going on around me. TRUST. I've asked for His wisdom and guidance for so long and He has surely allowed me to learn plenty thus far. Wisdom is not gained easily. It requires a desire to endure and persevere even through the roughest storm. Character building is a continual process. He is the instructer and I am His student. He as the teacher is training me in steadiness. Steadiness. Steady my heart. I find that it is not always easy to stay steady when lives are falling apart. When we see all around us the ones we love suffering with Cancer, families destroyed through divorce, tragic deaths and a world full of evil people that have no regard for others. It is easy to question Him. It is easy to ask "why" God? Why do you let your children suffer? I dug deeper into the meaning of "Steadiness". It is defined as: Unfaltering, firm in position, STABLE, not easily upset or disturbed. Constant in feeling, principle, purpose or attatchment. Once I understand the meaning of this "steadiness", I get the fact that to test my steadiness,He must bring opportunity to see whether I will falter in my faith or remain solid and steady. I have in the past been angry with God and questioned His love for me especially with the death of my mother. I questioned if He loved me so much why would He allow the most important person in my life to leave me at such a young age when I needed her the most. I was looking through hurting eyes at my needs but forgetting her suffering and sickness. She was sick and had been through so much. It was her prayer to live long enough to see her children grown. God honored her prayers and after my brother turned 18 and started college, she passed. God was faithful to her request. She suffered un-selfishly for so many years because she loved us and wanted to be with us as long as possible. She showed me sacrificial love in a way that I've never experienced before. She gave her life to be my mother. God taught me so much through my mother's faith. She was such a real, living testimony of love and mercy in my life. She loved me unconditionally and whole heartedly. She loved my brother and I more than her own life. She chose to suffer to give us life! How could I be so selfish and wish she could have stayed here on earth to continue in pain and illness. It did take me many years to see this truth. So, I didn't quite pass the "steadiness" test that time. Another example of my path to steadiness is suffering through depression. I hurt so deeply. There was no HOPE in my life. I was in the deepest, darkest hole and could not see a way out. I honestly didn't see any light in my life. I have never felt such deep, endless hours of pain. Every waking moment was painfully dreadful. I longed to just give up and tried to do just that. I constantly asked God to take away my suffering. I begged Him continually. I cried out to Him desperately. I sought Him