A Mighty Fortress is Our God

God is still there even when we don't feel His presence. His presence is always near. He promises never to leave or forsake His children. How can we feel so close to Him at times and yet at other times, doubt His existence? I will never understand emotions. They can trick us so easily. We can "feel" unloved, unworthy, and unimportant but the TRUTH is, we all have a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is unclear and our minds get clouded with fear, insecurity and uncertainty. I've learned that during these times, God is ever so present and carries us through. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see. I walk blindly by faith at times. Even when I have no idea where God is leading me in my life, I will trust Him. His ways are higher than my ways, His burden is easy and His yoke is light. He knows best and I will follow Him whereve He leads.

Steady My Heart

As I reflect on the last week of Christ's life, I am reminded to think about how I react when things don't go my way. How do I respond? Do I give up in dissapointment or despair? How would I have reacted if I were in the Disciples shoes? Would I have continued to believe that Jesus was the Savior? The Messiah? The One who had promised to bring change for His followers? It sure didn't seem like He was conquering through His suffering, beating and gruesome death? Would I have discounted every miracle I'd seen or would it have made me more determined to serve Him? I hope that I would have been committed to give my life for His cause despite the events leading up to His death. When life happens and circumstances seem to be hopeless, as I've experienced so many times, I'm reminded that God never has forsaken me and He promises that He never will. I cling tighter to His side during the times of pain and dissapointment. It's almost as if I'm more distant when things are going good or smoothly. I honestly cherish the moments in my life that I am desperate for Him. My most precious days are the ones that I am completely basking in His arms for HOPE and STRENGTH. The Word says He is close to the brokenhearted and I know this to be true. I've fallen in love with Him more through trials and suffering.Those are the sweetest memories and most cherished moments as I look back. The journey of my relationship with God has been so worth anything I've had to go through because He has grown my character and allowed my heart to be more compassionate. I desire a heart like His. He has brought that into reality. I see His children at times through His eyes and my heart breaks. I desire to bring HOPE to all who are hurting. Until we walk through struggles, we can't know His strength. His strength is perfect when mine is gone. He carries us through despite our desires to fall in to the pit of despair. Spending some time with the Lord this morning He spoke through my devotional to remind me that I'm still in training. He is molding me continually in His likeness. This requires my trust in Him no matter what is going on around me. TRUST. I've asked for His wisdom and guidance for so long and He has surely allowed me to learn plenty thus far. Wisdom is not gained easily. It requires a desire to endure and persevere even through the roughest storm. Character building is a continual process. He is the instructer and I am His student. He as the teacher is training me in steadiness. Steadiness. Steady my heart. I find that it is not always easy to stay steady when lives are falling apart. When we see all around us the ones we love suffering with Cancer, families destroyed through divorce, tragic deaths and a world full of evil people that have no regard for others. It is easy to question Him. It is easy to ask "why" God? Why do you let your children suffer? I dug deeper into the meaning of "Steadiness". It is defined as: Unfaltering, firm in position, STABLE, not easily upset or disturbed. Constant in feeling, principle, purpose or attatchment. Once I understand the meaning of this "steadiness", I get the fact that to test my steadiness,He must bring opportunity to see whether I will falter in my faith or remain solid and steady. I have in the past been angry with God and questioned His love for me especially with the death of my mother. I questioned if He loved me so much why would He allow the most important person in my life to leave me at such a young age when I needed her the most. I was looking through hurting eyes at my needs but forgetting her suffering and sickness. She was sick and had been through so much. It was her prayer to live long enough to see her children grown. God honored her prayers and after my brother turned 18 and started college, she passed. God was faithful to her request. She suffered un-selfishly for so many years because she loved us and wanted to be with us as long as possible. She showed me sacrificial love in a way that I've never experienced before. She gave her life to be my mother. God taught me so much through my mother's faith. She was such a real, living testimony of love and mercy in my life. She loved me unconditionally and whole heartedly. She loved my brother and I more than her own life. She chose to suffer to give us life! How could I be so selfish and wish she could have stayed here on earth to continue in pain and illness. It did take me many years to see this truth. So, I didn't quite pass the "steadiness" test that time. Another example of my path to steadiness is suffering through depression. I hurt so deeply. There was no HOPE in my life. I was in the deepest, darkest hole and could not see a way out. I honestly didn't see any light in my life. I have never felt such deep, endless hours of pain. Every waking moment was painfully dreadful. I longed to just give up and tried to do just that. I constantly asked God to take away my suffering. I begged Him continually. I cried out to Him desperately. I sought Him

Through the Fire

I haven't written here in quite a long time. It has been a challenge just to be able to sit down and gather my thoughts. The past few years have been really difficult due to major health problems. I suffered from chronic neck pain as a result of discs herniated, bulging, arthritis and bone spurs. This was causing numbness, tingling and not much feeling in my arms and legs. I feel like I lost the past two years of living my life because of the pain and suffering. Even though I was in severe pain, I continued to work and survived only by coming home and going to bed. The pain got to be unbearable and after seeing 5 Neurologists (one being the "best surgeon in Texas")I was told by 3 of them that I would be crippled if they did surgery on me. The surgeon also told me that it was inevitable that I would eventually have to have surgery at some point because in time, the bones would decay and compress the spinal cord to the point that I couldn't walk. This news was very devastating. "I'm only 45 years old", I thought at the time. "I don't want to be in a wheelchair. I'm soon to be a grandma". I struggled with my situation and prayed continuously that God could help me find healing through some physician or therapy that could help me. A friend of mine gave me a phone number of a clinic/hospital in Dallas and I researched the place online. I didn't want to see another doctor simply for the fact that I didn't want to be disapointed again. I eventually sent all of my records, MRI's and Myelograms that had been done since 2006 to the clinic for evaluation. I corresponded with the surgical director and they required one more MRI. It was 2 years later that I finally made the call to see about scheduling an appointment for consultation. I did the MRI and was on my way to see Dr. Rimlawi in December of 2013. Dr. Rimlawi gave me such great news. He said that I would be able to have surgery to replace my discs and I was scheduled for the procedure just 2 weeks later. I was a little nervous about the surgery as is expected, but for the first time in 10 years, I had HOPE of relief and a bright future. Chronic pain is very depressing and takes a toll on your emotions. I had suffered for so long and missed out on so much time the past few years. I had done physical therapy, steroid injections,exercises,used NSAID's and muscle relaxers, TENS unit and very rarely had taken pain meds. At this time, my quality of life was not great. Dr. Rimlawi was my only hope for relief. I also got confirmation that he was the one to trust when I saw a plack hanging in his office. He was awarded an honor for his charitable giving by performing surgery on children around the world with spinal problems. I felt that God was in the midst of this so strongly. So, I made the plans to be in Dallas on December 16, 2013 for neck fusion(x3)surgery. The morning of surgery, honestly I was very nervous and scared. Even though I trusted him with my life, I was very aprehensive. I prayed and knew God had me in His hands and I was ok with whatever the outcome. I had peace that if I did or didn't survive the surgery, God was in control. After signing all of the consent forms and meeting the anesthesiologist, I was taken to the operating room. Dr. Rimlawi made a 7 cm incision in the front of my neck. After carefully moving my muscles and spinal cord aside, he removed my discs, replaced them with 3 bigger cadavar (dead human) bones and used my own bone marrow (stem cells) taken from my left hip to fill the space between discs. He also placed a titanium plate with screws to fuse my discs together. It was a very intense procedure and stayed overnight in the surgery center. I went home the following day. The pain was intense the first few weeks and I couldn't sleep much even though I should have been out due to the pain meds, muslce relaxers and other meds they had given me. I had to wear a brace and was very limited on activity. I caught the flu and had a sinus infection 2 weeks after surgery. This was very miserable. I also struggled with extremely high blood pressures and allergic reactions to the narcotic pain meds. I don't tolerate medication well at all. They gave me medications that were too strong and after a couple of weeks of being extremely sick, hyper (more than usual) and "crazee", I started only using Tylenol. Strangely enough, Tylenol caused me more problems than it was worth. I was admitted to the ER 3 times before they could get my blood pressure regulated. My blood pressure was continually high which could cause a heart attack or stroke. After tests were run, I was told that I had a small stroke (TIA) and was monitored on the cardiac floor for 24 hours but eventually went home with just a small dose of blood pressure medication. The hardest part of all of this craziness is that I had no care taker with me at all times. I'm alone, single with no husband. But, God has given me dear friends that have been there to help. My daughter Kourtney has also done her best to be available. My other two girls have busy lives but have tried to help as well. Funny thing is when you go through a crisis like this in life, you find out who really cares. Some people just don't want to deal with your crisis and they are quick to let you know. The real friends stick by your side and I know who I can really count on! Thank you Shelly, Crystal, Todd, John, Andrea and Brian, Terry, Erica, Nicole and Yolanda! You've been there to hear my crying, venting and helped me get the correct medical attention that I needed. I also have a very strong support group of prayer warriors. They have prayed for me continually and I know that God has heard every word. He has given me the strength to get up day after day. At times, I wanted to give up but He carried me through the roughest days. It has been one of the hardest trials I've ever faced. But, healing takes time. I've asked God to heal me from the inside out and I know He is doing it. Sometimes the pain is unbearable but offering it up to Him is the best medicine. He heals. He also uses physicians and medication but He deserves the full credit. Not anyone else! So, I'm almost 2 months out from the surgery and am doing pretty well considering. I'm slowly having decreased pain as long as I don't over do it. Recovery isn't easy especially when it comes to a major surgery like I have just recently had. I'm trying to eat healthy, exercise a bit and use this time off for myself to grow spiritually and to heal my body both physically and emotionally. I know He has a future for me and I'm seeking His direction in every aspect of my life. I am weak, but He is strong. I need His strength more than I've ever needed it before. I feel His hands on me and I know that I will one day look back and remember all that He's brought me through. I'm in the process of writing my story and hope to publish it some day. I began this journey in my life a few years ago. I had actually written the rough draft but my computer was stolen when traveling home from Brazil in 2010. I've got a lot of experiences to share and by sharing, I hope to encourage other women. Please pray for me and "Shirley's HOPE" as I begin this new adventure of ministry. I'm open to whatever God has for me whether it be in ministry by service, writing, speaking or in my music. I am just waiting on the open doors. If you are interested in partnering with me in prayer or donating financially to the ministry, please don't hesitate to message me on FaceBook or email at shirley_prince@hotmail.com. You can also text or call me at (325) 374-6023. Your donations are tax deductible. I will provide your receipt. So, I'm back in the writing mode and looking forward to all that God has in store! If you are willing to walk this journey with me, I thank you. I hope to bring God glory and honor. Let this adventure begin...